Good bye 2011

So today is the last day of 2011, What are everyone’s plans for tonight? Going out to have a good night with Friends? or having a nice quite one at home?


So much has happened to me and my family in 2011 i honestly don’t know where to begin,

I done the worlds greatest shave and shaved my shoulder length hair right off,

Deacan had his first birthday,

We had the birth of our lovely daughter Jade,

Jade proved all the doctors wrong and survived and was sent home just before Christmas,

Daniel and I work on our differences and made our relationship stronger,

I was finally able to say good bye to Bryce

I made a lot of new friends from my Due in January 2011 board

Daniel and I moved house with help from Friends and Family,

I made some really special and close friends while i was in hospital pregnant and in the NICU with Jade,


A lot of good and bad things have happened this year  the list above is only a few off the top of my head that i can think of,

I wont be going out tonight, i will be staying home and spending time with Daniel, Jason, Deacan and Jade, and being very grateful for what 2011 has brought and given to me and my family


Doctors yesterday

So took jade to the doctors yesterday for her 2 month old needles and also i had to see him about my weight issues,


Jade is now 3.3kg, her head circumference is 35.5 and she is 48cm long, and took her needles like a champ, cried a little though settled quite well


The doctor placed me on the scales and i am down to 43kgs 😦 He has ordered a heap of blood tests to be done to see why the weight is just falling off me and to see if i can get some help slowing my metabolism down, Also has place me back on anti depressants he got me to answer a heap of questions and said that i have PND ( post natal depression) could kinda see that, that was going to happen though really didnt want to go on meds for it

Harrisons Little Wing Charity

I know that i have already mentioned this group though i want to say a very big thank you again, for all the donations, help and support that myself and my family received from this group and all its members


May i please ask that people can go to the Harrisons Little Wing Charity and Have a look at her blog regarding this charity, Also if you wouldn’t mind please have a look a Harrison’s Story and you will see why this charity means so much,

Long road ahead

So Daniel and I are still not out of the woods with Jade, Her top 2 ventricles are still quite enlarged, though they are stable and on the higher end of normal, the poor little girls head looks enlarged as well, I am going to tell the doctor today when i take her in for her 2 month old needles,

SO looks like we are going to be in and out of neurologist, physio therapy, occupational therapy and the pediatrician,


I just want everything to be other with and for jade to be healthy, why does she have to have so many thing wrong with her for????Though all in all  Jade is doing great, eating like a champ and just sleeping, the boys love her, they quite often go into her and wave or just stand there looking at her,


The other night i was feeding Jade in the dinning room, and Deacan and Jason were going to bed, I asked them if they wanted to give Jade a Kiss and cuddle good night, and they both came up and kissed her and cuddled her and said good night and waved, it was so cute, Jason loves to help out, if i am giving her a bottle he will bring over the spew rag or go and put the nappy in the bin, Deacan just stands there and gets all hypo its so cute,

I Wish

I WISH i knew what to say
to make all the pain jsut go away

I WISH i knew what was happening
before it all happend

I WISH i knew now
what i knew then

I WISH i held you for longer
instead of pushinig you away

I WISH i looked in to your eyes
and said i love you more times than i did

I WISH you were here now,
and not jsut in my dreams

I WISH you were here now
so you could be apart of our family even more

I WISH i had the strength
to take your brother down to meet you

I WISH i had the courage
to make every day hurt less

I WISH you was here now,
instead ill close my eyes
and see you there


My hearts breaking in two
with the thoughts that you and i are through
thinking that our lives have just begun
but knowing now that we are done

wondering what i have done
to make this love filled life unravell & come undone
my eyes are filling with tears
with the memories of these past years
wondering if i’ll feel your touch again
or if things have gone to far to mend
thinking of what could of been
though none of this could of been seen
Looking back now, there are so many things that could of been done
thinking of the memory of us
knowing that it has ended
and nothing can be done
i’ll lock you away in my heart
where from now until the end of time you will stay

For Him

Having your breath upon my skin
Feeling you heart beat against my chest
Having your hands run through my hair
Seeing your eyes giving me that gentle stare
Having you telling me, everything will be alright
As you hold me close and tight

Missing the way you would say I love you
Missing the way you made my dreams come true
Missing your gentle kiss upon my cheek