Numb

Yesterday while up at the hospital with Jade i spoke with one of the doctors and it was confirmed that Jade does have Brain damage, the MRI showed that she has Generalized Brain Damage all over her brain,

 

I started to cry in an instant, We was told to start with that her MRI came back good, that there was no problems, and now to find this out, I feel numb and to blame,

 

The seizures that she is having are because of her Brain damage, though the doctor said that they can be fatal, i am scared stiff for her, i need to keep an eye on her and time how long the seizures go for, what happens if she has one during the night when we are all sleeping and i dont get to her in time?

 

I want to be able to take this all away from her, i want to have the damage and she has nothing, the doctor said that she was starved from oxygen and i have no idea when she was, i dont know if it was when it happened at birth, or when she first had the seizures at day 14 of life, or if it was from  the brain bleed that she had,

 

 

I am so scared for her, i feel completely numb the doctor told me the news and i just cried i went straight to her and pick her up and wouldnt let her god, just sat there rocking her in my arms and crying and wondering why… why us? why Jade? who did we piss off for this to happen?

 

If she doesnt get any better in a couple of days they are going to transfer her to the mater hospital though if she does get better in a couple of days we get to take her home…

 

What type of life is she going to have if she is retarded? what if she has more seizures and they starve her of oxygen even more and she turns into a vegetable

 

 

I didnt sleep to well last night i kept having a night mare that she had a seizure during the night before i could get to her and i walked in there and she was blue…. i love my baby girl so much and would do anything for her, this is just so not fair

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