This is a venting post so i will worn you know in case you don’t want to read about, or see it or for the simple fact if it doesn’t make any sense i am just going to type it out as it comes into my head so i can get it of my chest
There is so much getting to me at the moment, between the kids, life my home business and my husband… there is so much stress happening right now all i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out, Some days i don’t want to get out of bed as i know it’s just going to be a shit day or i know what i have to do in the say and i just don’t want to do it, though i still get out of bed every morning and continue through the motions of each day as it has to be done
At the moment it feels like my kids hate me and my so called husband doesn’t love me,
The kids are for ever throwing tantrums, i am trying my hardest to deal with them and stop them though its not easy, I have a lady that comes around once a week minimum to help me out with ways to parent my kids, and to help me know what i am doing wrong so i don’t become to overwhelmed . I am trying out her strategies because what ever i am doing is not working, She did tel me that it would take a while for i to take effect though it is hard to not just flip, and to be honest there are days where i just flip and loose my temped and just yell, if the kids are being that naughty and not doing what they are told and after i have tried everything else including time outs i will spank them, i really hate having to do it though it seems to be the only way they will stop it, also that is why they lady is helping me with different parenting techniques, she has told me what i am doing is good, and that she takes her hat off to me for not loosing total control with the kids as it is hard with 3 under 3….
The boys must know that i am stressed, as they are doing everything and i mean EVERYTHING that makes my blood boil, constantly getting into stuff that they shouldn’t be and they know that they shouldn’t be, they are always fighting with each other or being super clingy, or they wil want something to eat so i get it for them and then they tel me they dont want it and throw it everywhere, so you can just imagine all the food that goes to waist in this house, and mind you it isnt cheap….
Things with Daniel and I are really getting to me to, and i m at a loss with that to do, i dont know if i should stay and just put up with it, or if it would just be easier to pack up take the kids and leave, Daniel spends so much time at work he might as well just live there, He left his old job because of a lot of other reasons and also because of the hours as he didnt get to spend time with his family and also because i was just sick of him not being home, now he has a job where he spends more time at work than his old job and to top it off he doesnt get paid over time, Daniel is out of the house, every morning between 6.15 and 6.30am and doesnt get home to any where between 6.30pm to 10.30 pm though mind you he finishes work at 5pm every day…. So by the time he gets home most night, the kids are fed, bathed and in bed, the hardest part of the day is the night routine and i have to do it on my own whilst also dealing with Jade when she is in her moods and wont sleep, i dont get to st down and eat tea until 8.30 to 9pm ever night and by then Daniel is usually just getting home, so i dont have a chance to talk to him about all our problems, 1) because i am to stuffed to get into an argument, 2) i just want to go to bed as i know its going to be a long night or early morning or 3) its just not worth hitting my head up against a brick wall,
It also pisses me off that Daniel hardly helps around the house like i dont expect help on the weekdays though on the weekend come on you cant just sit there and do nothing, i know some nights he doesnt get to bed until i get up in the morning as he has stayed up with the kids cos they dont want to sleep, though on nights where he hasnt if i dont go in here and wake him up he would be in bed until after lunch time well and truly SO i do house work every day during the workdays plus then i have extra to do on he weekends, because the kids make a bigger mess as i am cleaning it, if Daniel does help out he does a piss poor job at it knowing i will just tell him to bugger off and i will just do it, smart i know, I dont know if it’s intentional or not though its a major thing that pisses me off,
Also Daniel is used to everything being done for him, he always has been, I remember when we first got together and i moved in with him, his mother would do everything for him, i mean h would wake him up for work, she would make him his food, do his washing, put it away Daniel would hardly have to lift a finger, and now it has made it harder for me, as i now have to deal with it, i honesty think the apron strings with that boy should of been cut a LONG time ago, though thats just how i see it
Daniel and i hardly talk any more as i just dont see the point i am either just to pissed off with him from everything that is going on or i am just tired and rather sleep, i haven’t worn my wedding ring in about a month now and to tell you the truth i dont know if i will even put them on again… why should i doesnt feel like i am married, i honestly feel like a door mat and a slave, i dont sleep next to a husband any more i sleep next to a stranger
Daniel has quite often told me that he doesnt come home because of me he doesnt wan to be around me, fair call, most days i wouldnt want to be around me either though if he had to deal with all the shit i had to he would be one very pissed of man as well and would act like i do, Though ifits so bad being near me why does he even bother… this would just be easier some days if he just didnt come home… or i just took the kids and left, then they wouldnt have to put up with all the crap that is going on
well thats it at he moment i will post more later, at the moment i have kids to deal with while denial sleeps