Sadness

This post has taken me a while to write though i think i need to write his, more so for me rather than any one else,

 

Loosing a child is what i think is the most heartbreaking thing a parent can ever go through, as its an intense pain to start with though it never leaves you, it is always there and then there is the constant reminders that you have every day that you child has been taken from you, and you will never see that child grow up and reach all the achievements that he or she would of reached if they lived

 

My child died as a baby, before i really got to know him, or see how his life would of turned out, My son passed away at 23 weeks gestation when i went into unexpected labor, that resulted in a placental abruption, That required me to have 2 blood transfusions at the same time, being on a drip for fluids, also being on an IV to be induced, and having blood thinners going into me all at the same time,

 

I remember screaming at the surgeons, doctors and nurses to cut me an to get him out though they wouldn’t as his survival rate through delivery  was only sitting at 20%,  They told Daniel and I that he wouldn’t survive, and that my life look preference,  I dont remember to much of his delivery, i remember looking over at Daniel and being white as a ghost and telling him i didnt want to do this anymore an that i as tired and just wanted to sleep, i remember Daniel telling me i had to stay awake and that sadly i had to do it, the next thing i know its dark  though i can hear the doctors, Nurses, Surgeons and Daniel all telling me to stay awake and to breath…. After that i dont remember what happened, just that next thing i know i am gasping for breath and i look over at Daniel and he is crying, i dont think i have ever seen a male with so many tears streaming down their face,  though not long after all that happened, the nurse put the Doppler on my belly and his heartbeat was no longer there, and he had stopped moving, my little boy was gone,  he had passed away, 30 mins later he as born, he was stillborn 😦

 

Little Bryce was born on Wednesday 23rd April 2008 at 3:45pm, weighing 595g and was 29cm long, He looked so peaceful,

The Nurses asked me if i wanted to hold him or dress and bath him, though i couldn’t look or touch him, i couldn’t stand the sight of Bryce,  the nurses took him away to bath him ad to dress him, and to get him ready for what ever had to happen next, i don thin there as a dry eye in the room, even the doctors and nurses where crying, it was a hard day for every one, especially Daniel and I, as our whole world had just been torn apart, we had both just gotten used to the idea that we were going to be parents

 

 

More will follow soon this is all i am able to post at the moment, and i cant seem to stop the tears from flowing